What is inner child work?
An Introduction To the Idea and Importance Of Inner Child Work
Inner child work is the practice of acknowledging, connecting to, and caring about your inner child in order to heal the parts of yourself that did not get what they needed. We carry these wounded parts around with us as adults, which influence our thoughts and behaviors. This might show up as people-pleasing, perfectionism, isolation, or emotional reactivity – or any pattern you learned as a child that helped you survive.
There are many ways our inner child can be wounded, and some of us hold multiple wounds at once. Each part of our inner world holds a piece of our story – and a key to our healing. Inner child work helps address these wounds and allows us the opportunity to reparent and heal our neglected parts.
Types of Inner Child Wounds
Neglect or abandonment: left by the people who were supposed to care the most. May include loss, separation, or inconsistent parenting.
Fear or chaos: exposed to danger or childhoods that didn’t feel safe. May include emotionally unstable parenting, war, or other high conflict environments or households.
Emotional abuse: invalidated, betrayed, or emotionally suppressed and not given the opportunity to flourish. May result from controlling environments, excessive criticism, or invalidation.
Conditional love: there were things you had to do in order to feel loved. Often held to unrealistically high standards to perform or put in a position of having to please others.
The caretaker: put in a position to take care of parents or others, instead of being cared for. Often children who were parentified or had to take on adult responsibilities
The unmet needs of our inner child can show up in lots of different ways – from self-esteem issues, to anxiety, emotional dysregulation, hypervigilance, or a disconnection from ourselves. These unmet needs might make us feel numb
When we start to reparent ourselves through inner child care, we can reconnect to these inner parts, which are often buried deep within ourselves, and begin to get to know them. By attending to our inner child and acknowledging the needs we deserved but didn’t receive, we can decrease behaviors that no longer serve us (such as isolating, pushing others away, or suppressing our needs) and begin to realize how much we truly deserve (and always have).